ugg

Uggs! Give me a break. Having owned a pair, I think I'm entitled to express my disgust and frustration over this shameful trend that just won't die.

Admittedly, I too was suckered into the anti-cool, coolness of the ubiquitous slipper boot, so wittily coined "ugly boots" from boyfriends and husbands around the world.

The labored look of nonchalance is something I've perfected over the ages, and two years ago Uggs punctuated the "I'm cute, but don't care, or do I?" look. But after a year of shamelessly traipsing around in them, it finally hit me that, yes, indeed, they are ugly.

Even with the countless attempts to feminize them, in all of their pastel hues and Jessica Simpson versions, they no longer pass muster with this fashion plate.

So in the wake of my brilliant epiphany, I gave the Uggs to a friend who, having not experienced the phenomenon, was cautiously excited to give the “boots” a try.

Teenagers are always suckers for the beating-the-dead-horse trends so it shouldn’t surprise me whenever I go to the Grove and see gaggles of fifteen year olds with baby chub pouring over the sides of their denim miniskirts sporting Uggs. What do they know? They’re still in high school, thus forgiven. It’s the mothers of these girls and the celebrities that make me wince. If I see another disheveled superstar or MILF schlepping down the street in these quasi-boots, I will scream.

Given the fact that you can get an imitation version for a fraction of the price anywhere, these frumpy Frankenstein clunkers should be retired to the Goodwill pile along side with the Forever 21 indiscretions—don't act like you've never yielded to the dark side's temptation of sexy permanent press blouses and ill fitting skirts.

Oddly enough, Uggs aren't even that comfortable; they wiggle around on your ankle and make your feet sweat excessively. And did you ever stop to think where all that sweat goes? I have, and it’s not a pleasant thought. It just stays in the precious shearling without escape. Yikes, I pity my poor friend.